Speed dating conversation starters
In a speed dating round of three to five minutes, the first thirty seconds decide how the rest goes. Most awkward silences come from not knowing what to ask, not from a poor match. This guide gives conversation starters that work in a short round, a simple way to keep the talk moving, what to avoid, and what an organizer can do so that participants are not left to improvise.
1. What makes a good starter
A good starter is easy to answer, tells you something real about the other person, and leads to a second question.
- Ask about something specific, not 'tell me about yourself'.
- Prefer open questions that start with what, how or when, not yes or no questions.
- Choose questions the other person can answer in a sentence or two. A short round has no room for a life story.
- Share your own answer too. A conversation is not an interview.
2. Starters for the first minute
Use one of these to begin. They are light, and nobody needs to prepare.
- What was the best part of your week?
- What made you sign up for this event?
- What is something you are looking forward to this month?
- What did you do last weekend that you would do again?
- What is the last thing that made you laugh?
3. Starters that go a little deeper
Once the first minute has passed, a slightly deeper question shows whether you enjoy talking to each other.
- What is something you could talk about for an hour?
- What is a small thing that makes a day good for you?
- Where would you go if you had a free week and no plan?
- What did you want to be when you were ten, and what is left of that?
- What is something you changed your mind about?
4. Keep the talk moving
A question gets the conversation started. Follow-ups keep it going.
- Pick one word from the answer and ask about it: 'You said hiking. Where?'
- Ask 'why' or 'how did that start' once, not three times in a row.
- A short silence is fine. Count to three before you fill it.
- If a topic is going well, stay on it. You do not need to get through your list.
5. What to avoid
Some questions close a conversation instead of opening one, and some are simply not for a first meeting.
- Questions about past relationships, income or age.
- A run of questions with no answers of your own, which feels like an interview.
- Phone talk, comparing options or looking over the other person's shoulder.
- Yes or no questions, which end after one word.
6. What an organizer can do
Participants feel better when they know they are not on their own. A little structure takes the pressure off.
- Put one question for each round on a screen or on the phones, so every pair has an opener.
- Offer a light game, such as a bingo card of small facts to find out, for the mingling rounds and the breaks.
- Tell participants in the invitation that questions are provided. People who know this arrive more relaxed.
- Keep prompts optional. Some pairs click straight away and do not need them.
- Match the tone to the room: playful for a singles night, more professional for a business event.
7. After the round
Starters help during the round. What participants do right after matters too.
- Let participants answer privately about each person while the meeting is fresh.
- Release the results soon after the event, while the memory is warm.
- Show a match something to start the chat with, so the first message is not a blank screen.
What to decide now
- Will you provide a question for each round, or leave it to the participants?
- Which tone fits your room: playful, curious or professional?
- Which games, if any, you will switch on.
- Where the questions will show: phones, the room display or both.
- When you test the questions with a few friends.
Run it with Mingleround
Mingleround handles registration, check-in, pairings, the timer, private answers and the release of matches. Read more on the speed dating software page, or see the pricing. The first event of a new organization is free.