How to match people at a speed dating event

1. Decide who should meet whom

A pairing is only useful if both people could want it. Two things decide that: how each person identifies, and who each person is open to meeting.

• Ask both on the registration page, as plain choices. Do not ask for more than you will use.
• Pair two people only when each is open to the other. A pairing that works for one side wastes a round for both.
• Mixed events need more care than a simple two-sided room. Write your rule down before you build any pairings.
• Tell participants who the event is for, so the right mix signs up in the first place.

2. Why repeats ruin an event

A repeat pairing is the fastest way to lose a room. The second conversation with the same person is slower, and the person who was left out of a good round notices.

• Nobody should meet the same person twice in one event. This is the first rule to set.
• Regulars notice repeats across events too. If someone came last month, try not to give them the same partners again.
• A repeat is harder to spot by eye than you expect. With thirty people and ten rounds, the list gets long.
• If a repeat is unavoidable, such as at the very end of a small event, say so, and shorten that round.

3. What to do with leftover people

Uneven numbers are normal. Someone is always without a partner in a round, and it should not always be the same person.

• Give the leftover person a bonus round with another leftover person, so nobody sits out for long.
• Rotate who is left over. If the same person waits in the first three rounds, the event feels unfair to them.
• Use a trio now and then. Three people can talk well, and it removes a gap.
• Be open about it. A short word from you, such as "you have a bonus round this time", turns a wait into a feature.

4. Pairing on paper or with software

Paper works for a small group. Past about twenty people, the list becomes the hardest part of your event.

• On paper you need a grid, a pen and quiet time. Each change means redoing part of the grid, in front of the room.
• Late arrivals and no-shows break a paper plan. You rebuild it while people wait.
• Software builds the list in seconds, checks the rules for you, and rebuilds when the room changes.
• Either way, pair only the people who are actually in the room. Someone who did not show up should not take a partner's round.

5. When to override a pairing by hand

The rules give you a fair list. They cannot know your room. Keep the right to change it.

• Swap a pairing when two people already know each other, for example friends who came together.
• Swap when a participant tells you they are uncomfortable with a partner. Do it quietly and without asking for a reason.
• Lock a pairing you want to keep, such as two people who asked to be together, so a rebuild does not undo it.
• Change as little as you can. Every swap near the start of a round affects the rounds after it.

6. Check before you start the clock

Once the first round runs, a mistake costs everyone time. A short check before the start is cheap.

• Count the people in the room and compare with your list.
• Scan for repeats and for pairings that cannot work.
• Look at who is left over in the first rounds and fix it now.

7. A worked example

Picture a room of twelve participants: six on each side, seven rounds planned, and one person who arrives late. The list is simple until the room changes.

• Before the first round you count eleven people in the room, not twelve. One side now has five and the other six, so one person waits in every round.
• You give the waiting person a bonus round or a short mingling round, and you rotate who waits so it is never the same participant.
• The late arrival walks in during round two. You add them from round three, with partners they have not met, and the waiting person finally gets a partner.
• Two friends turn out to be paired in round four. You swap one of them with a neighboring pair and carry on, without stopping the clock for the room.

What to decide now

• Who the event is for, and the rule that decides who meets whom.
• Whether repeats are ever allowed, and what you do when they cannot be avoided.
• How leftover people are looked after: a bonus round, a trio or a mingling round.
• Whether you pair on paper or with software.
• Which changes you will make by hand, and which you will leave alone.

Run it with Mingleround

Mingleround handles registration, check-in, pairings, the timer, private answers and the release of matches. Read more on the speed dating software page, or see the pricing. The first event of a new organization is free.